I know I have not blogged lately and that is because I have been busy walking this new walk and "single parenting" while my husband is gone on a business trip. But at the end of this post I will have a mini-update.
While I was in the middle of praying and spending time with God this morning I heard briefly from Him to write something down. What better place to record it than here -my "More Than A Feeling" journey record. :-)
Some back-story first: My history with God is like a yo-yo diet. I believe in Him, I doubt He exists, I know He is real, I succumb to doubts, I have a breakthrough, I forget... I am worse than the Israelites making a golden calf and complaining about manna. I need to remember what He has done for me and what proof I have of his wonderful existence.
Last night I prayed a lot about God helping me to figure out what feels like a calling to head a women's ministry at my church and to become a Bible teaching speaker. And I confessed to Him that I really needed a much firmer foundation, a much more "I know that I know, that I know" faith that He is real, that the Bible is God-breathed truth and that Jesus is the Word becoming flesh and dwelling among us -loving us with every breath of his life and saving us with his death and freeing us with his resurrection!
Do I believe this all as I sit and type? Yes. But my days of doubt never seem far from me. I get in a funk, sometimes just an afternoon, sometimes for a few months. And I hate it. I know God allows it, though. So I can just hate it or embrace His will in it. I think I can do both too. ;-)
This morning I was reading in the book, Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ by Jeanne Guyon (she has a fascinating history and so does this book and others of hers -read more here).
I read chapter 17 "Prayer Requests?" and had a reason to believe moment.
I have found in the past few years (about 1/3 of my Christian walk) I can find it hard to just pray for a need or a hurt or a request. I have also experienced for some time now (since at least almost 6 years now) that I can find myself praying not of myself. I have been fully spirit-led in my prayers on several occasions. This chapter I read today was about just that. It explained that as one gets into a deeper relationship with Jesus the Holy Spirit will operate and take over one's prayer life.
It then hit me -I have experienced that. Many have not. I have had the same experience in prayer as another woman -born in the 17th century! It quickly came to my mind that this was today's proof that God is real, not just a beautiful idea I share with others. And He told me to write it down.
I am going to start a new post called Reasons to Believe (just after I finish with this one) and I will add to it as things come to mind and as I have time. If you too struggle with belief, I know your agony! I am sure God's advice to me is advice to you too.
Okay, as promised...
A brief update since my last post:
My husband has been away on a training for a new job he got with Triple A as a travel agent. I cannot express how excited I am about it -just the thought that we will get to go on vacations again almost brings tears to my eyes. And to get health insurance again will be wonderful!
So since he has been gone I have had great plans and only some have been realized. But that's life. I have had a lot of unexpected interruptions and extreme moments of lost motivation -complete with urgent care trips and reunification with my "long lost mother."
But joyfully I can report that I have been exercising a lot! Wahoo! I have gone from being totally sedentary to walking with a blending in of running (sprinting!) and jogging for up to 5.5 miles now. I have a life long dream of running a marathon, so I have begun (again) to work toward that goal/dream. This week (my final week alone) I plan to really get my house cleaned up and in order. But I feel it's too ambitious for a week. But I will try! And today is one of my few days I've sat with God. Sad to say. I have no adequate excuse for that. But I am working on finding a healthy and do-able balance in my life.
While I was in the middle of praying and spending time with God this morning I heard briefly from Him to write something down. What better place to record it than here -my "More Than A Feeling" journey record. :-)
Some back-story first: My history with God is like a yo-yo diet. I believe in Him, I doubt He exists, I know He is real, I succumb to doubts, I have a breakthrough, I forget... I am worse than the Israelites making a golden calf and complaining about manna. I need to remember what He has done for me and what proof I have of his wonderful existence.
Last night I prayed a lot about God helping me to figure out what feels like a calling to head a women's ministry at my church and to become a Bible teaching speaker. And I confessed to Him that I really needed a much firmer foundation, a much more "I know that I know, that I know" faith that He is real, that the Bible is God-breathed truth and that Jesus is the Word becoming flesh and dwelling among us -loving us with every breath of his life and saving us with his death and freeing us with his resurrection!
Do I believe this all as I sit and type? Yes. But my days of doubt never seem far from me. I get in a funk, sometimes just an afternoon, sometimes for a few months. And I hate it. I know God allows it, though. So I can just hate it or embrace His will in it. I think I can do both too. ;-)
This morning I was reading in the book, Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ by Jeanne Guyon (she has a fascinating history and so does this book and others of hers -read more here).
I read chapter 17 "Prayer Requests?" and had a reason to believe moment.
I have found in the past few years (about 1/3 of my Christian walk) I can find it hard to just pray for a need or a hurt or a request. I have also experienced for some time now (since at least almost 6 years now) that I can find myself praying not of myself. I have been fully spirit-led in my prayers on several occasions. This chapter I read today was about just that. It explained that as one gets into a deeper relationship with Jesus the Holy Spirit will operate and take over one's prayer life.
"[F]or we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" -Romans 8:26
It then hit me -I have experienced that. Many have not. I have had the same experience in prayer as another woman -born in the 17th century! It quickly came to my mind that this was today's proof that God is real, not just a beautiful idea I share with others. And He told me to write it down.
I am going to start a new post called Reasons to Believe (just after I finish with this one) and I will add to it as things come to mind and as I have time. If you too struggle with belief, I know your agony! I am sure God's advice to me is advice to you too.
Okay, as promised...
A brief update since my last post:
My husband has been away on a training for a new job he got with Triple A as a travel agent. I cannot express how excited I am about it -just the thought that we will get to go on vacations again almost brings tears to my eyes. And to get health insurance again will be wonderful!
So since he has been gone I have had great plans and only some have been realized. But that's life. I have had a lot of unexpected interruptions and extreme moments of lost motivation -complete with urgent care trips and reunification with my "long lost mother."
But joyfully I can report that I have been exercising a lot! Wahoo! I have gone from being totally sedentary to walking with a blending in of running (sprinting!) and jogging for up to 5.5 miles now. I have a life long dream of running a marathon, so I have begun (again) to work toward that goal/dream. This week (my final week alone) I plan to really get my house cleaned up and in order. But I feel it's too ambitious for a week. But I will try! And today is one of my few days I've sat with God. Sad to say. I have no adequate excuse for that. But I am working on finding a healthy and do-able balance in my life.
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