Stepping Out in Faith

I prayed a lot about having a ministry and specifically about encouraging and through-Christ empowering others to have a more abundant life in Jesus.  As I lay in bed praying and dreaming with God the idea of starting a facebook page came to mind.  But what to call it?  What to do with it?  I like using one's name like we have with our photography business -but Rhiannon Solorzano ministries doesn't sound right to me.  Besides the fact that my name is hard for most to pronounce it is wordy and not God honoring enough...  Then I remembered this blog.  15 Fruit Ministries has a great sound to me.  :-)  What do you think?

I am off to step-out-in-faith and create that Facebook page and see where God leads me with it...

Gulping on the Vine,
Rhiannon

Reasons to Believe

Today God told me to start a record of my Reasons to Believe.
I will add to this list as God prompts me, as I have time and as new events and believing break-through moments occur.  As I start this list today I only will have one thing on the list.  But there are many (many!) that already belong on here.  Like I said I will add to them as I can and feel led to.  I will put a date next to the item/event when I add it.  I look forward to watching it grow!  For an explanation as to why I am making this list see the previous post.

Rhiannon's Reasons to Believe:

• I have had the same experience in prayer as another woman -born in the 17th century! While reading her book, Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ, by Jeanne Guyon -I read her description of being spirit-led in prayer and I realized that her experience is similar to mine.  Many I know don't have this experience -but another woman who want to be so close to Him and led by Him did -it was my proof for today.  5/10/2011

Hearing from God 5/10/11

I know I have not blogged lately and that is because I have been busy walking this new walk and "single parenting" while my husband is gone on a business trip.  But at the end of this post I will have a mini-update.

While I was in the middle of praying and spending time with God this morning I heard briefly from Him to write something down.  What better place to record it than here -my "More Than A Feeling" journey record.  :-)

Some back-story first: My history with God is like a yo-yo diet.  I believe in Him, I doubt He exists, I know He is real, I succumb to doubts, I have a breakthrough, I forget...  I am worse than the Israelites making a golden calf and complaining about manna.  I need to remember what He has done for me and what proof I have of his wonderful existence.

Last night I prayed a lot about God helping me to figure out what feels like a calling to head a women's ministry at my church and to become a Bible teaching speaker.   And I confessed to Him that I really needed a much firmer foundation, a much more "I know that I know, that I know" faith that He is real, that the Bible is God-breathed truth and that Jesus is the Word becoming flesh and dwelling among us -loving us with every breath of his life and saving us with his death and freeing us with his resurrection!

Do I believe this all as I sit and type?  Yes.  But my days of doubt never seem far from me.  I get in a funk, sometimes just an afternoon, sometimes for a few months.  And I hate it.  I know God allows it, though.  So I can just hate it or embrace His will in it.  I think I can do both too.  ;-)

This morning I was reading in the book, Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ by Jeanne Guyon (she has a fascinating history and so does this book and others of hers -read more here).  
I read chapter 17 "Prayer Requests?" and had a reason to believe moment.

I have found in the past few years (about 1/3 of my Christian walk) I can find it hard to just pray for a need or a hurt or a request.  I have also experienced for some time now (since at least almost 6 years now) that I can find myself praying not of myself.  I have been fully spirit-led in my prayers on several occasions.  This chapter I read today was about just that.  It explained that as one gets into a deeper relationship with Jesus the Holy Spirit will operate and take over one's prayer life.

"[F]or we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" -Romans 8:26

It then hit me -I have experienced that.  Many have not.  I have had the same experience in prayer as another woman -born in the 17th century!  It quickly came to my mind that this was today's proof that God is real, not just a beautiful idea I share with others.  And He told me to write it down.

 I am going to start a new post called Reasons to Believe (just after I finish with this one) and I will add to it as things come to mind and as I have time.  If you too struggle with belief, I know your agony!  I am sure God's advice to me is advice to you too.

Okay, as promised...
A brief update since my last post:
My husband has been away on a training for a new job he got with Triple A as a travel agent.  I cannot express how excited I am about it -just the thought that we will get to go on vacations again almost brings tears to my eyes.  And to get health insurance again will be wonderful!
So since he has been gone I have had great plans and only some have been realized.  But that's life.  I have had a lot of unexpected interruptions and extreme moments of lost motivation -complete with urgent care trips and reunification with my "long lost mother."

But joyfully I can report that I have been exercising a lot!  Wahoo!  I have gone from being totally sedentary to walking with a blending in of running (sprinting!) and jogging for up to 5.5 miles now.  I have a life long dream of running a marathon, so I have begun (again) to work toward that goal/dream.  This week (my final week alone) I plan to really get my house cleaned up and in order.  But I feel it's too ambitious for a week.  But I will try!  And today is one of my few days I've sat with God.  Sad to say.  I have no adequate excuse for that.  But I am working on finding a healthy and do-able balance in my life. 

Day 1.3 Prayer

So my plan as of yesterday was to wake this morning at 5.

That

Did

Not

Happen

...

HOWEVER:
I felt very inspired last night to not rest, to not watch TV and un-wind while my husband took one of our two girls with him to run some errands and price check at Target.  I CLEANED UP quite a bit.

So when I crawled into bed at 12:30 AM and watched a bit of Huell Howser I could not conceive of waking by 5 AM.  Sure I could do it, but then it would lead to me crashing and getting 100% off track by the middle of today -and that's not the point!

So I woke at about 7:40 and THANKFULLY had ample quiet time to read my Bible and pray and read some more.

I chose to read from one of the Gospels and found myself in John reading Jesus prayers before being arrested.  (Fitting because it is almost Easter and I had prayed before opening my Bible today that I would know from the words of the Bible more about God's love for me.)  I've been insecure about feeling loved in general lately, so this is a definite need!  I was moved by the words, "I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” (John 17:26)  I prayed right there for Jesus to bring to fullness this promise in me -to continue to make the Father known to me!  I never want to stop learning, experiencing and coming to a more solid knowing of my maker!  

Then I came to a point when I read in John 14:13-14:

 "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, 

so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  

You may ask me for anything in my name, 

and I will do it."

Once before I was very moved to ask for something in Jesus' name that seemed impossible.  And I had a miracle gift only a day later.  I believe in praying in Jesus' name and I believe there is power in doing so, but reading these verses coupled with John 17:11 ("...by the power of your name, the name you gave me...") I felt renewed in this facet of my faith.  

Knowing that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, knowing it is His will for me to live an abundant life, knowing that it was for freedom He set me free and that there is power in His Holy name I prayed!  I prayed and prayed with a sincere longing and belief for change.  I prayed for His provision and power to change my life.   I am believing another miracle awaits me!

In renewed strength

On the vine,

Rhiannon

 

Developing the Plan

It's not easy confessing my junk.  But it is so freeing.  I think it is so freeing because it removes the burden of having to ignore, deny and hide it.  And until I face my junk I cannot work to clean it up.  I cannot change my life unless I am willing to take an honest look at what needs to be changed.

My house is a mess literally and metaphorically. 

I have a list of excuses a mile long (some of which are pretty good!).  But the truth is they are just crutches that are not helping me at all.  In fact, they are keeping me from walking out this life the way I  desire and the way I need to be walking it out.

I NEED A PLAN! 

Keeping in mind the things that challenge me the most here's my rough-sketch plan:

I know that I am a morning bird and a night owl (odd huh?) -but not much more than a lazy lion seeking a nap in the late afternoons.  I know that it is the time of day I am most likely to fail to meet expectations, fail to be productive and fail to be a consistent Mother.  Clearly it's not the best time of day to schedule heavy-thinking tasks or things that require lots of responsibility.  

I also know that I am grumpy, disorientated and much less productive when I don't have ample time to myself to get my head ready for the day.  When I wake up to my children demanding milk and TV I am almost doomed at that point.  Trying to have quiet time with God, trying to figure out my day and trying to just wake up will be challenged in every way with two little ones who are loud, demanding, distracting and quick to create chaos.  (They are children, it's part of who they are and I need to honor that and stop trying to fit them into my schedule.  It is not fair for them and I never feel better about trying to exert my needs over theirs -no one wins, no one is happy and not much is accomplished.)

Things I desperately need to change (and fast!):

• I need to keep a cleaner house
• I need to spend more time with God in the mornings (and of course all day long too)
• I need to make my daily routine more defined and more managable
• I need to incorporate daily exercise
• I need to manage our family's money much better and meal plan and such 
• I need to be more active/interactive with my children generally and specifically about God
• I need to be a better wife -I need to be a better helpmate, a better friend to my husband and I need to make his home more peaceful and enjoyable
• I need to be a more intentional friend
• I need to a more intentional servant for God (I need to find and work on a ministry for Him/in Him)
• I need to learn how to be more honoring to God and dependent on Him and in the Spirit for the big and little things of daily life

So for now:
I know I need to be waking up MUCH earlier than I have been and getting done major tasks that will equip me and empower me to make the changes I so desperately need! 

I will start tomorrow!  I plan to wake by 5 am (or sooner).

Big Plans for Big Results

Recently I took the DiSC assessment.  And found out "officially" I am unique.  I scored high in three of the four areas, which I was told only 5% of the population do.  I learned that I scored highest in the area of "Conscientious" which means: 

• Slow and critical thinker, perfectionist.
• Logical, fact-based, organized, follows rules. (<--this bullet is only about 50% accurate for me)
• Don't show feelings. Private. Few, but good friends.  (<--this bullet is least true of me)
• Big-picture, outlines.
• Ask 'Why?' and 'How?'

  I also scored high on the areas of "Steady" and "Influential" and that means I am highly social and loyal, but have trouble with time management (so very true for me!).

So I am taking the results of my assessment, what it all means and working with the Spirit to make it all come together to help me figure out how to get on the right paths for my life.

My weakness in planning and then executing plans is that I am a slow, methodical, examine all options, day dream, mull-it-over, then dream again kind of planner.  In essence I love to plan to plan, but never get very far...  I can also be a perfectionist.  I seriously can get my sink spotless, even the water spots on the faucet buffed off -extreme perfectionist like.  But an odd thing about me is I can then walk away from the kitchen with a dirty floor and junk on the counter tops.  So I easily don't see the forest because I stare at one tree too long.

Another weakness is that I struggle with wanting to try everything, and cannot make up my mind!  I am very often indecisive.  And so I get stuck in day-dream-mode and don't get very far.

So I need to work backwards, from the results I want/need and then how I can achieve them.  Otherwise I know that I'll get stuck on day one of planning.

In my next posts I will write out the results I need and want.  I know that planning this way is helpful to most people and not just day dreamers like me.  So if you are reading this because you too are looking to make big changes I suggest you work backwards as well.

On the vine,
Rhiannon 

Disconnect

I am sure everyone can relate to what I am about to share.  I am not who I want to be.  I am not living the life I want to live.  I often find myself thinking, "WAIT!  STOP!  This is NOT what I signed up for!"  and "Who's life is this, anyway?  Surely, it's not mine!" 

So what's going wrong between what I am doing, what I am saying, what I am not doing, what I am not saying and what I want to be doing/not doing, saying/not saying?  Where did this all go wrong?

I am a visual person and I see myself pulled over on the highway of life scratching my head, mulling over maps and wondering how I ended up in this location.

I've been feeling this way for a few years now.  And I think I finally understand some of the turns and missed turns that have led me astray:

• Unrealistic expectations
• Poor financial planning
• Lack of self control
• Self seeking
• Materialistic obsession
• Commercialism
• Heart breaks
• Lack of confidence
• Lack of understanding 
• Lack of discipline
• Lack of priorities
• Dependence on everything undependable
• Fear
• Anger
• Jealousy
• Attitude

That was not a fun list to compile, but it feels good to just put into print.  It's the truth.  No good can come from denial and attempts to hide it.  The only way to change is to accept what needs to change.

 This is what this blog is going to be all about!  Me working with God to change all that above, to fulfill my destiny: to daily die to self, and be transformed, made more like Jesus with every breath He grants me!

On the vine,
Rhiannon

More Than a Feeling

I love adventure, don't you?  Sometimes I forget to realize that my life is an adventure, even on the "ordinary" days.  I have decided to start this blog today to dream, document, share and rejoice on my adventure with God.  This adventure has many areas: parenting, marriage, friendships, art, business, homemaking, discipleship, health, finances, etc.

I chose the name "More Than a Feeling" for my  blog because I want my life to be fully holy, fully spirit-led, fully motivated, empowered and shaped by love.  And love is so much more than a feeling.  Love is everything.  Love is a noun, but should look much more like a verb if you have it.

I (like everyone) have a lot of things not working in my life, many things that need to change and many things that need improvement.  I am a human.

I chose the website address "15 Fruit" because of John 15.  I want this to be my cornerstone truth.  I want to be kept by the glorious truths of John 15 and to operate fully from John 15. 

God is the vine.  I am a branch.  I am nothing outside of Him.  But in Him I am blessed beyond my wildest imagination and I am made new, made holy, made pure, made righteous, made beautiful and I am made victorious. 

This blog will explore and document my adventure in being made more and more like Him and more and more of who I am lovingly meant to be!

I am excited to document this journey filled with uncertainty, trials, temptations and victories!

A branch on the vine,
Rhiannon